2020: How Do You Measure A Year?

I rang in the year with my closest West Coast friends. Dressed in my go-to black leather boots and a baggy band tee, I remember feeling like things were starting to settle into place for us here in LA. We ate, we drank, we danced, and at midnight we rang in what we thought would be an exciting new year. 2020 – mysterious, but full of wonder. In our house, we always liked things that way. 5, 4, 3, 2 1 – happy new year. A blank slate. 525,600 minutes to fill.

I remember the day that people started dying. We had plans to go to a show. Nothing crazy, just a local band – one of those “why not?” kind of weeknights where we were feeling spontaneous. When the show was canceled I remember thinking things would be sorted out in a few days. Weeks, maybe. It was all media hype, I thought. You know – the kind where they say you’re going to get a big snow storm and you only get a few inches.

We’re pretty social, but we also quite enjoy each other’s company in simple nights at home. Very quickly, we became grateful for the latter. We had a balcony that allowed us to stand outside but we could barely fit chairs out there, let alone get in and out without some shuffling and “excuse me”‘s. That balcony soon became our little sanctuary and our most consistent touch-base with the outdoors. We lined it with twinkle lights (we love a good aesthetic), and enjoyed near-nightly margaritas. We shared countless quiet nights with nothing but each other’s company and I have to admit, we didn’t mind.

A friend of mine back in Boston was making masks and selling them on Etsy. She asked how many I wanted. “Just one should be fine”, I told her while simultaneously trying to convince myself. Oh boy.

Rewind…in January we welcomed our perfect puppy, Cash Collins. He has provided not only so much joy, but also so many lessons in patience, consistency, and routine. At the lowest points of the year, Cash provided me with a reason to get up bright and early and get outside. When LA shut down, the only time I left the house was because of Cash! A large puppy in a small apartment is a challenge in and of itself, but a large puppy with a LOT of energy, amidst a pandemic forced us to get creative. We played fetch in the hallway, ran laps around the block with masks on, and we made it work. He is our best friend and a true source of consistency in this year of unpredictability.

But once that storm started, it felt like the inches just kept piling on.

I will never forget the night we sat on that 18″ balcony and watched the helicopters and smoke rising. Another black man had been murdered, and the city was on fire. I don’t think I have ever lived through a time of such raw emotion. Even from those 18 inches three stories above ground, we could feel the pain. The anger. The desperation. We also felt it on our own accord, of course. I spent months battling the internal monologue that comes along with being biracial in a time of civil unrest. That’s not something new this year, nor will it disappear with a new one, but 2020 brought it to the surface in a way that has been more challenging than times past. But amidst the destruction, smoke, and tears – we had one glimmer of hope to hold on to. It was an election year.

As the pandemic and the unrest continued with no real end in sight, I found myself uncomfortable with all of my spare time. Time that was once filled with lunches with friends and spontaneous outings was now empty and quiet. I don’t do too well with too much quiet. I began teaching virtually for Kick It by Eliza – an opportunity that has been such a true blessing. I was able to reconnect with people I taught back in Boston, as well as new friends all over the world. My job with ALKU remained my rock as always. I am beyond grateful for that. I filled the rest of my spare time with a new part time gig that involved flying to Boston to teach. I was busy beyond belief, but I was moving. I was breathing deep for the first time in a while. And then I hit the ground.

I don’t remember the moment of injury. I was going through the motions of a boxing class when all of a sudden I was on the floor, clutching my knee. I didn’t have to look down to know what had happened. I could feel my right kneecap in my right hand. The issue was, my hand was on the side of my leg. I laid there on the ground, dislocated kneecap in hand, for twenty minutes while my sweet coworkers called an ambulance and maintained a level of calm that truly saved me from a complete and total shock-induced panic attack. I went straight from the ER to the airport in a wheelchair, and spent 6 hours in the air with a tear soaked mask. This couldn’t be real.

But it was very real. And it got more real when we found out on the drive home from LAX that Ryan had to travel for work for the next two months. He was leaving in 3 days and I could not walk, let alone shower or get myself dressed. Oh, and remember that high energy puppy? Yeah, he was all mine for the next two months. I didn’t know much in that moment, but I knew I needed help. There was no way I could take care of Cash myself without being on my feet. To be separated from my true source of strength for two months at this time felt impossible. But he was off to do great things, as he always is, and I was so proud.

Not many people can say they have someone in their life who would fly across the country just to turn around and push you in a wheel chair through the very same airport they came through mere hours before. My best friend Jessica did exactly that. There are so many people that I will never be able to repay for how they showed up for me in this moment of sheer helplessness. I flew home for six weeks. I told myself I would have surgery there in one of the best hospitals in the country, as if the healthcare system would move that quickly for me. But the time at home was truly so healing, and I was back on my feet, albeit very unsteady, in just a couple short weeks.

When we got back to LA 6 weeks later, the election chaos was in full swing. The emotional turbulence that came with it was expected but still not easy. For the first time, I was forced to sit in the reality that indecency, dishonesty, and hatred might actually win. How would I explain that to my children one day? Luckily, after a grueling week of uncertainty, they lost. America voted for good. For change, for progress, for hope. America voted for Joe Biden & Kamala Harris. For the first time, a woman in the White House. A woman who looks like me. This moment, in a year with so much loss, is something I wouldn’t trade for the world. My friends and my younger sisters were so involved and invested, and I am so proud of them.

Slowing down has never been easy for me. The COVID-19 pandemic forced the entire country into a slowdown the likes of which most of us had never experienced. My injury piled itself right on top of that slowdown and things skidded to a near halt for a while there. It is December 30th, 2020. I can walk. I can do some exercise. I do not know when I will be fully healed, but I am finding ways to work through the uncertainty. The virus is still rampant, worse in LA than ever before. People are still dying and no amount of silver-lining can make that right. This year will always come back to the heroes. The doctors, nurses, and law enforcement officers who worked tirelessly to keep us safe. The firefighters who put out the flames ignited by deep-seeded racism. The politicians who stood up to say enough is enough. The grocery store workers who put on a smile each day while people fought over toilet paper. The scientists who developed a vaccine that promises better days to come. My husband who greeted me with a hug and a positive attitude every single day we were together. Heroes, all of them.

In daylights
In sunsets
In midnights
In cups of coffee…

Actually feels pretty accurate.

In sadness
In losses
In heroes
In new beginnings

525,600 minutes of lessons no other year has ever taught.

An Open Letter To Donald Trump

Dear Mr. President,

I struggled with that salutation for longer than I care to admit. I’ve never referred to you as Mr. President before but to write or speak your name during this time feels somehow more excruciating.

I hesitated, too, with whether or not to write you at this time. On one hand, I don’t think you necessarily deserve to be a part of this conversation, but on the other hand I believe you play an integral role in how we got here.

I’ll never forget the night you got elected and the days that followed. I cried myself to sleep, hardly slept at all in fact. I pulled myself out of bed the next morning to go to work. Eyes puffy, hands trembling, I was on autopilot wondering how I was going to get through the day – I hadn’t yet had a chance to think about the next four years. I was driving to work and turned on the radio in an effort to distract my mind and the station was about to take a call from a listener. The host of the show thanked the caller for joining, and then were abruptly cut off by the four words that left a permanent hole in my heart:

“IT’S TIME – WHITE POWER!”

I don’t remember the rest of the drive to work. Frankly, I don’t even remember getting off the highway or braking for traffic. All I knew was that I could not be in public that day. I went into work, grabbed my laptop, and went home. In some sense, on that day, the sick person behind that phone call won. They derailed my entire day, shook me to my core. I guess it was your second victory in less than 24 hours.

I’m not stupid. Ever since I was a child I’ve had my eyes wide open – very observant and perceptive from a young age. I know that people with hate in their hearts did not appear on this earth in the 10 hours between you winning the election and me driving to work. But you, Mr. President, created a world where these people feel comfortable enough to speak up. Validated enough to shout their hate into the sky for everyone to hear. You did that. And to some extent, I want to thank you for that. You brought these people into the light. You called them “very fine people” and you gave validity to their words and actions. It is quite a sight to see. To feel. To be objectified by and feel their force pushing me back down. I’ve grown quite strong. Thank you for that.

Here we stand – some 3.5 years later and your America is on fire. I’m not going to sit here and pretend you are the reason racism exists in this country (I’m smart, remember?) but I hope you know that your hands aren’t clean. I hope you know that this is the first time in my life that I have not heard a president at least try to unite the people. My hunch tells me that you know this very well. I actually think you’re smart, too – believe it or not. You see, I think your voice is actually being heard loud and clear right now. The problem is, the people who are hearing it are the ones like the man who spoke those four words on the radio. What the rest of us hear is the silence.

There’s a spot in Boston that is one of my favorite places in the world to sit. It’s a dock that sits atop the Charles River and it’s breathtaking on sunny days when the light reflects off of downtown Boston and onto your face. That’s where I was sitting when the Access Hollywood tape leaked. The way you talked about women (and have continued to talk about women) made me sick to my stomach. But in that moment, I remember feeling pure joy. I was so happy because I thought for sure that after something like that, there was no way you could win. The floodgates opened from there, and with them flooded out stories of racism in your past. I believe racism is a learned behavior and it became very clear that from a young age you were taught that you were superior. Not just in race, but in gender, religion, and sexual orientation. You were also taught that you are, in every situation, purely and truly correct. And you won.

Through the smoke of the fires burning in our cities and the sounds of the black people screaming that they can’t breathe, I’m starting to feel that sunlight on my face again. I am overwhelmed with sadness and heartbreak, but I think I can feel it. The people like the man on the radio are still out there shouting their hatred into the void and it still stings. I know you’ll never know what that feels like, so you’re just going to have to trust me.

But the rest of us? We’re going to do everything in our power to use our voices to speak over theirs. To make sure you don’t feel victorious at the expense of pushing others down. To get your knee off of our necks. I hope one day you’ll join us and feel the sunlight on your face, but I somehow doubt it.

With sympathy,
Emily

Activewear Review – lululemon

The mecca, the holy grail, the brand our wallets hate to love – lululemon.

I have been a shamelessly loyal lulu gal for years now and above fit and style, I think it really comes down to consistency.  Their stuff is expensive but you know you’re going to get great value pieces and more often than not, some excellent customer service to go along with them.  I personally still wear some leggings from there that I’ve had for about five years.  Can’t beat that!

Another huge plus to shopping with lulu is that they truly stand by their product.  The educators who work in the store are really just that – educators.  They are always super knowledgeable about product & fit, and willing to go above and beyond to make sure you make the right choice based on what you’re shopping for and why.  Also – pro tip – if you buy a product from there and the quality doesn’t hold up, they will usually let you swap it out.  It’s a bit of an honor system and if any of you abuse it and make them rescind this policy I will never forgive you.

Let’s talk styles!  Sizing is a bit different than other brands in that it runs from sizes 0-14 rather than XS-XXL, but once you figure out your size it is pretty consistent (there’s that word again!) across the board.  Here’s an official size chart to glance at, but I definitely recommend heading into a store to try some things on to be sure. Whether you’re looking for something to get really sweaty in, something for lower impact, or just something to lounge in, you can definitely find it at lululemon.  I just happen to have (and love) something from each of these categories so I’ll let you in on my favorites!

For your sweaty workouts:

The Wunder Under – Luxtreme

These. things. are. my. FAVE.  They come in a couple of different fabric options, but the luxtreme is definitely better for a sweatier workout like spin or running.  Their site says that they are designed for yoga but these are truly my favorite and I strictly do yoga about once a quarter.  The waist band is great and doesn’t roll down, the color holds up, and there is even a little pocket in the waist band for your keys!  I personally like the 25″ inseam because it falls just at my ankle rather than bunching up at the bottom.

For your less sweaty workouts:

The Align – Nulu

Just about the softest thing you could ever put on your body.  These are my go-to for a class like Pilates or barre, & they’re also great for lounging or traveling.  I will say that these are the only ones I’ve experienced pilling issues with, but I also wash and dry my leggings with the rest of my clothes which lulu does not recommend.

For lounging & travel

On The Fly Jogger

I used to think I couldn’t pull off joggers and honestly there’s a good chance I still can’t, but it doesn’t even matter because these are so comfortable.  Great pockets, nice cool material, and the waistband isn’t super tight like I’ve found on other joggers!

Tops

The Energy Long Line Bra

This is my favorite cut of any sports bra ever.  It’s supportive while still having a cute strappy back, and the long line gives you a little bit more coverage.  I find that it looks great on everyone even if you don’t have washboard abs like the beautiful gal in this photo!

The Scooba Hoodie

I’d own this in every color if I could afford it.  So cozy.  I recommend sizing up as it does fit a little on the tighter side!

When it comes down to it, while you could certainly save money by shopping cheaper brands, you know you’re going to get your money’s worth from lululemon and likely won’t need to replace them as often.  I’m pretty sure one could make a case for any of their styles being the best but I hope this helps you get your dangerous (but necessary) addiction started!

Let’s break it down:

Comfort – 10/10
Fit – 10/10
Durability – 10/10
Best Suited For – HIIT, cardio, yoga, Pilates, traveling
Diversity in Marketing – 7/10 – they’re on the right track but could do more with body diversity

Questions? Comments? Hit me on Insta at @emilycollins!

 

Activewear Review – Athleta

If I had to sum up the appeal of Athleta in one word: POCKETS!

I’ve had the pleasure of being re-introduced to Athleta over the past six months or so.  I’d tried their stuff in the past and for some reason got away from it, but I’m glad to be back…can’t necessarily say the same for my wallet – ha!

Comparatively, though, Athleta’s quality is amazingly in line with their price point.  The fabrics are soft, the waistlines are high, and they hold up really well in the wash.  I don’t know about you, but I can’t be bothered to separate my laundry by color, fabric, & whatever else you’re supposed to do so I really need materials that hold up.  I haven’t experienced any pilling, shrinking, or discoloration with my Athleta gear!  The items come in several different fabric styles – some are thicker and therefore better for yoga or something not super sweaty (Athleta calls them Softluxe), while others are lighter and better for your HIIT workouts or cardio (Powervita, Powerlift or SuperSonic).

One key thing to note is that Athleta’s styles run a bit on the larger side.  I am typically a size small in most brands, but wear an XS in Athleta leggings.  I still stick with the size small for bras.  They’re just easier to put on when you don’t feel like you’re squeezing the girls into an Olympic swimsuit, ya feel me?

I will say that the top of the waistlines do tend to roll down a bit on me, but that probably has something to do with my short torso and the way my ribs are only about 4-5 inches from my hips when I sit down.  If this is the way your body is set up too, just something to keep in mind.

In terms of bras, a lot of Atheta’s have a long-line design which means they come down closer to the bottom of your ribs (think of a really short & tight crop top as opposed to a bra) which I tend to prefer.  I feel more secure especially in workouts that require lifting your arms above your head.  Goodbye, wardrobe malfunctions during the arm track of your cycling class!

I’m also a huge fan of Athleta’s athleisure pieces.  They have great joggers and even better jackets.  I’m linking one below that I have not been able to take off this Winter – even in SoCal!

But back to the real appeal – the pockets.  Every pair of Athleta leggings I own has at least one pocket on the waist that can fit something small like your keys, and some of them have a larger pocket on the leg that can fit your phone, cards, etc.  This is a major win if you’re anything like me and hate carrying around bags.  I just tuck everything in those pockets and I’m off.  We all love a ~ no baggage ~ lifestyle am I right?!

Let’s break it down:

Comfort – 10/10
Fit – 9/10
Durability – 10/10
Best Suited For – HIIT, Cardio, Yoga, Pilates – we stan a versatile brand!
Diversity in Marketing – 9/10

For ease of website searching, here are some of the legging lines within Athleta that I love:

HIIT/Cardio – Salutation (in Powervita), Contender (in Powerlift)
Yoga/Pilates – Elation Ultra High Rise (in Powervita), Andes

Here are some of my favorite Athleta pieces at the moment – any questions? Hit me over on Instagram at @emilycollins, happy to chat!

Leopard Elation Ultra High Rise Tight in Powervita

Salutation Stash Pocket II 7/8 Tight in Powervita

Andes Tight

Breathe In Bra In Powervita™

Transcendence Bra In Powervita

Ritual Jacket (SOFTEST THING EVER!!)

Our Wedding Weekend – A Story by Song

Thursday, June 20th, 2019

The sound was my alarm:

I woke up at Jess, my Maid of Honor’s house.  I stayed over because we had a big day ahead of us.  The work was done.  Twenty two months of planning everything from big decisions to tiny details, and now all we had to do was go.  Our alarms went off at the same time in different rooms.  We met in the hallway and immediately broke into a silent dance party.  It was game time.

The song was Truth Hurts by Lizzo:

We picked Ryan up from the airport bright and early and began our trip out west.  Jess knew all the words to this song, which is rare, so naturally we had to play it on repeat.  Our first stop was in Westborough for my hair trial.  While I did that, Jess and Ryan walked across the parking lot for a solo lunch at a Chinese food buffet…Ryan’s favorite.  I sat and wondered what they were talking about as Andrea worked her magic on my hair, taking one photo from Pinterest and making it a reality.  That was easy.

Next stop – Deerfield!  We continued the drive, still singing Lizzo all the way.  When we arrived at the venue, we were immediately taken back by the stunning job that our friends Deb and Rose did decorating.  Our reception hall was massive and I gave them the difficult task of making it feel a bit more intimate.  They hung tulle and twinkle lights from the 50+ foot ceilings and the room was transformed.  The lights continued into the entry area, where our seating chart stood.  My sisters built the seating chart by hand and it was perfect.

That night Ryan, Jess, Neil & I had dinner at our favorite spot in Amherst – Judie’s.  I ordered my favorite meal & a margarita.  I had said I wasn’t drinking that night, but Jess insisted that it was time to start the celebrations.  Fine, twist my arm…

As Ryan and I laid in bed that night, I remember telling him that I was sort of sad for the weekend to be starting because that meant it would soon be over.  We agreed to enjoy every minute.

Friday, June 21, 2019

The song was Beer Never Broke My Heart by Luke Combs:

I couldn’t sleep anymore, too excited!  I bumped this song through my headphones and set out for a run around the UMass campus.  I had to get rid of some of the nervous energy!  About 45 seconds into my run, the skies opened up and it began to downpour. Well, better today than tomorrow, I told myself.  By the time I sprinted back to the hotel I was drenched and out of breath…workout, check.

The bridesmaids started to arrive around 11am and we headed off to our mani/pedi appointment.  This is when it started to feel real.  Two coats of funny bunny and one coat of bubble bath left me with the perfect pinkish white on my nails while the others chose some beautiful neutrals to go with their champagne colored dresses.  The boys grabbed lunch at The Hangar, Amherst’s go to spot for wings and beer.  Of course, we had them bring some back to the hotel for us.  Isn’t this what everyone eats the day before their wedding…?

The song was Bennie And The Jets by Elton John & P!nk:

I couldn’t wait to step into the amazingly comfortable white lace jumpsuit I rented from StylistLA for the rehearsal.  The girls piled into Reana’s Jeep and drove back to Deerfield.  When we arrived, I felt for the first time like I had no idea what I was doing.  Luckily, our venue coordinator walked us through it (except Noah, our two year old ring-bearer who ran through it), and we were off to dinner.

We chose to invite the bridal party and their plus ones, all immediate family, and all aunts and uncles to our rehearsal dinner.  We held it on the top floor of Hotel UMass, which has the best sunset views of campus.  Ryan gave an amazing speech about the location’s significance to us and we chatted for hours with family, some of whom we hadn’t seen in years.

The song was The Middle by Zedd & Maren Morris:

Some of our friends and cousins had made their way to Amherst by now, so we headed to Stacker’s Pub to meet them.  I specifically remember this song playing as I looked around, in awe of everything that was going on.  People from all different parts of our lives were here in this one bar – some catching up with old friends, others making new ones.  “Tequila shots are only $1, are you sure we shouldn’t?” Jess asked me, which was my cue that it was time for us to go to bed.

I didn’t expect to sleep, but as soon as we got back to Jess’s room I was calm.  Our bags were packed and ready for the morning.  I laid down, and before I knew it, my alarm went off.  A full night’s sleep, woah.

Saturday, June 22, 2019

The song was That’s My Girl by Fifth Harmony:

The girls arrived at Deerfield Academy at 6:30am, sleepy but excited.  We walked into the old colonial house where we were set to get ready, and saw that the venue had set up an amazing spread of bagels, pastries, coffee & juice for us.  Life changing.  The bridesmaids got organized while I walked in circles.  Hair and makeup began and pretty soon everyone looked like supermodels.  Maria used airbrush makeup for a more natural look which was exactly what I wanted, and Andrea managed even the thickest heads of hair with ease.  The champagne started going around, and soon it was time to make our bouquets.  I wanted the girls to make their own so that they had their own style, and also to keep them busy during the long day of getting ready.  My mom handled picking out all of the flowers under my very little direction of “I want white and lots of greens”.  She nailed it.  I wrapped my grandmother’s bracelet around my bouquet.  It had the most beautiful blue stones on it.  Something blue – check.  The bridesmaids helped me into my dress, and I put on my jewelry.  A beautiful new diamond bracelet from my LA girls, and the earrings that Meg wore when she married Ryan’s brother.  Something borrowed – check.

The sound was the beat of my own heart:

Ryan stood tall with his back to me as I approached him for our first look.  We each read letters from each other and then he turned to see me.  “Wow, it’s perfect” were his words and we couldn’t stop hugging and smiling.  Someone get me to the altar, I can’t wait any longer to marry this man!  We ran through hundreds of photos with our amazing photographer Stephanie who, when it started to thunder, looked me in the eye and said “it’s not going to rain”.  I believed her, and she was right.  With hail storms going on in all directions around us, we had blue skies and 72 degrees.  If we had forgotten about our guardian angels looking down on us that day, this was our reminder.

The song was Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes:

The groomsmen & Ryan filed into the ceremony.  The rest of us were lined up in the house we got ready in, and I stood on my toes in my four inch gold heels trying to get a peek at what was going on.  Everything was officially in motion.

The song was Never Be The Same by Camilla Cabello:

The rest of the procession began – grandparents, followed by parents, followed by bridesmaids, and finally Noah.  In his bow tie and suspenders, he stole the show as we knew he would.

The song was Yellow by Coldplay:

It’s one of my favorite songs and one that I always envisioned for this moment.  As my dad and I made the long walk from the doorway, across the street, and down the aisle, I was overwhelmed by all of the smiling faces that showed up for us.  The ceremony was short, sweet, and personal – just like we wanted.  My grandmother and Ryan’s Uncle Tim spoke beautifully, and our friend Jon performed the ceremony with professionalism and ease.  Jess stepped up (of course) when my cathedral veil began to blow in the wind, threatening to rip every last strand of hair out of my head.

The song was Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay:

The DJ lined up the moment for our kiss perfectly (what, not everyone plans at this level of detail?) and massive smiles took over our faces as we high fived and made our way back down the aisle as Mr. & Mrs. Collins.  Finally.

The song was Castle On The Hill by Thomas Rhett:

Our cocktail hour was casual and fun, with plenty of food and a country music playlist.  Ryan and I were adamant about the food being our style as opposed to typical wedding food.  The cocktail hour was just the beginning – fried mac & cheese balls, flatbread pizza, scallops wrapped in bacon…we had it all.  Ryan and I made our way around the courtyard to give lots of hugs, and for me – lots of twirls in my dress.  Our family and friends played cornhole and jenga, took photos, and enjoyed our signature cocktails – a skinny margarita (mine) and a whiskey ginger (Ryan’s).

The song was a remix to Good Life by Kanye West:

Our parents and bridal party made their entrance into the reception, walking together as the supportive armies we know them to be.

The song was Party & BS In The USA by Biggie & Miley Cyrus:

Ryan and I entered the room.  Holy moly was it beautiful.  My mom had done an unbelievable job with the greenery and candles, the lights were perfect, and all 23 tables were full.  Rather than number the tables, we named them after important places in our life.  Every detail, even ones I forgot about, was there.  Admittedly,  while I carefully planned everything, I didn’t have much of a plan as to who was going to set up what.  To this day, I don’t even know how it all got done but it did.  “Is this real life?” I was asking myself as we reached the center of the dance floor.

The song was Always Remember Us This Way by Lady Gaga:

Our first dance as husband and wife.  We talked, we laughed, I twirled some more.  Our bridal party and family lined the dance floor for a moment I wish I could have on repeat forever.

The song was Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd:

After my dad, Jess, & Ryan’s brother Sean gave amazing speeches, Ryan danced with his mom as the crowd sang along.  She looked unbelievably beautiful and happy.  I couldn’t stop smiling.

The song was What A Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong:

Ryan danced with his grandmother and everyone died at the cuteness of it all.  We were so lucky to have her with us for that moment.

The song was You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban:

I danced with my dad to a song we have been singing together for years.  I thought I would be a crying mess, but he made me laugh as he told me he almost projected my elementary school chorus performance of the song on the reception wall while we danced.  He decided against it because he thought I would kill him.  He was right.

The song was A Million Dreams by P!nk:

Dinner was officially under way.  Our buffet featured a mac & cheese station, a pasta station, a taco station, a mashed potato station, and a carving station.  I remember thinking “omg, I don’t have to worry about fitting into my wedding dress anymore!” as I piled a little bit of everything on my plate.  Everyone told Ryan and I to make sure we take time to eat…we knew this was never going to be an issue for us.

The song was We Found Love by Rihanna:

The dance floor kicked off and stayed bumpin’ the entire night.  We really wanted our music to be fun and modern, so I had a carefully curated playlist and the DJ kept the people going.  It got pretty wild towards the end of the night, exactly like we wanted.  I changed into a romper and some bedazzled white Nike’s that Lauren got me, and would have never stopped dancing if the DJ didn’t tell me it was time for our final song.

The song was Drops of Jupiter by Boyce Avenue:

Ryan and I encouraged everyone to join us for the last dance of the night.  For the hundredth time that weekend, I wished I could stop time.

If you ask any married couple, they will tell you how quickly the day flies by.  We heard this so many times that while it definitely still held true, we were sure to take moments to slow down.  To listen to the music.  To look at each other and know that we would never forget this day.  These memories, and hundreds more, will be dear to our hearts as we take on life’s adventures as husband & wife, and the best of friends.

Listen To It Here

 

Live Aloha – A Guide to Kauai & Maui!

As I sit here 3 days post-honeymoon I am equal parts exhausted/happy to be home, and nostalgic/ready to go back.  It was our first time visiting Hawaii and we could not have had a better time!  The islands we chose were Kauai and Maui and there’s a TON to do on both so I want to let you in on what we did to hopefully ease your trip planning process!  As an overarching piece of advice, I suggest you book some of these things ahead of time, but also leave yourself plenty of free time to make spontaneous choices or just kick back and enjoy the beautiful pools and beaches.  It’s easy to overbook yourself with so many options. Here’s a break down of some info about the islands, what we did, and what we ate! If you don’t have time to read this, just drink the mai tais.  You’ll be fine.

Kauai

This was our first & favorite stop!  Being from the East Coast, we’ve been to a few different spots in the Caribbean and Mexico and after a while, all of these places start to feel the same.  To some extent, a tropical resort is a tropical resort.  Let me tell you – before we even landed in Kauai we could tell it was DIFFERENT.  The landscape is other-worldly, the food is mostly familiar but with an island twist, and the people are so. nice.

The resort we stayed at here was the Grand Hyatt Kauai.  It was hands down the best resort I’ve ever been to.  I’m blessed in that a (small but amazing) part of my corporate job is scoping out resorts so I’ve been around the block a bit and have seen nothing like this place.  It sits right on the beach, and rather than standard pools the property is covered in these unbelievable sprawling salt water lagoons to swim in.  They wind through the property and have little hidden waterfalls and caves – just amazing.  The tides in the ocean were extremely tough – I’m not sure if this is a year round thing or not but we didn’t do too much time in the ocean as a result so make sure you have some good pools!  We were lucky enough to stay in an ocean view room with a balcony which I highly recommend if you can swing it. In general everything closes pretty early in Kauai so we spent most of our nights just having a self-made drink on our balcony taking it in.  

Activities:

• Kauai ATV Waterfall Tour – this was for sure one of my favorite activities of the whole trip.  You take these ATV’s on a guided tour through a state-protected park and make your way to a beautiful waterfall for swimming.  The driving portion of the tour gets real dirty & muddy (which I thought was so fun), so swimming feels even better!  Make sure you wear clothes that you’re ok with ruining – the red dirt is tough to wash out.  You also need closed-toed shoes that you can wear in the water.  I recommend these – they’re cheap, super comfy, and actually pretty cute on!
• Captain Andy’s Catamaran Cruise – we did the sunset dinner cruise, I highly recommend it!  There are some day-time options as well which we heard great things about, but the sun is HOT so it’s just up to you & what you prefer.  Even the sunset tour left at 3pm and it was still pretty steamy.  One thing to note about this is to be careful if you tend to get motion sickness.  I sometimes have issues with it but went into this with a mind-over-matter attitude and I still struggled a bit for the second half of the ride.  We ordered these and they helped a little bit, but I’d also recommend Dramamine if you’re worried about it!  Motion sickness aside, the Napali Coast was absolutely unbelievable and it’s tough to see any other way than by boat.  100% worth it!
• Waimea Canyon – depending on where you stay, this is a bit of a drive but again well worth it.  It’s on the north shore of the island which from the Poipu Beach area was about an hour drive.  The journey itself is beautiful, but once you get to the top the views are pretty insane.  Think Grand Canyon but with layers of green & flowing waterfalls.  It actually felt like Jurassic Park meets the planet Mars.  Unreal.
• Just drive!  We rented a car which I definitely recommend as Ubers are very few and far between on the island.  There were a couple of days where we just picked a spot on the map and drove.  There are only a few main roads and they wind along either coast so you really can just keep going and there are so many cute towns and villages to pop through.
• A few things we didn’t get to:
  • Helicopter tour – we heard amazing things about this but also heard it’s a liiiittle iffy safety wise (the helicopters are really vulnerable to wind and with it being an island, wind is unpredictable) so we decided to use the money towards other excursions/luxuries.
  • Spouting Horn – this is close to where we stayed and easy to get to, we just ran out of time!  It’s a really cool look out where the water comes up through the rocks like a spout.
  • Hikes – we chose to be a little on the lazy side on this trip and didn’t do any real hiking, but a quick google search shows you tons of good options.  I recommend something on the North Shore, or the East Coast has some amazing views as well.  Again, wear clothes and shoes you can do without!

Food:

I should start with a disclaimer that we’re not really foodies, nor do we particularly like fancy food.  We did treat ourselves a few times but a lot of these options are on the casual side!  Drinks are $15+ no matter where you go, but drink alllll the mai tais – they’re unreal.

• Kalapaki Joes – sports bar vibes but with a lovely ocean view.  We went here once for lunch and once for breakfast.  The pork in Hawaii is AMAZING all around.  For lunch I had the pulled pork sandwich & for breakfast I had a pork scramble which was amazing.  Basically scrambled eggs with pulled pork, and it came with all of the fixings to make them into breakfast tacos!  For breakfast Ryan got the banana foster pancakes – holy moly, so good.  The drinks are what you’d expect from a sports bar, but large glasses!
• The Beach House – this is one of the fancier ones.  My meal (seafood linguini) was just okay, but Ryan got the filet and it was one of the best things either of us tasted during the whole trip.  The drinks were phenomenal as well.  Even if you don’t make it here for dinner, it’s worth it to go for a drink.  They have a huge lawn and the sunset views are unbelievable.  Before or after dinner you can have a drink out on the lawn and just chill!  You need a reservation for dinner.
• Brennecke’s Beach Broiler – another casual spot that has a great happy hour and delicious food!  We went for apps and shared the coconut shrimp & the sliders.  I first had a margarita which was just alright, and then I remembered where I was and had a mai tai that was bomb dot com.
• Merriman’s Fish House – a casual spot, we went for lunch.  It was probably one of my favorite meals!  We got a pork and pineapple pizza & a quesadilla that came with some mystery delicious sauce that tasted like a mix of duck sauce and heaven.  It’s also in a cute shopping plaza!
• Pizetta – casual Italian, cutest little spot.  We went for lunch, I got the open faced chicken parm sandwich and Ryan got the open faced meatball sandwich.  The mai tai was bigger than my head.
• Keoki’s Paradise – on the fancier side, my favorite dinner on Kauai!  I told Ryan it felt like an adult Rainforest Cafe.  There are waterfalls and rocks, chickens walking around, it’s epic.  I got the seafood risotto and it was to die for.  Ryan got the ribs!  We also went back for lunch and I had a lovely poké bowl.
• The rest of our meals were at The Hyatt.  I believe you can dine at all of them even without being a guest which I definitely recommend if you don’t stay there!  The Seaview Terrace has live music & a more casual vibe, and we did our final dinner at Dondero’s which was Italian.  Every restaurant there comes with a view so you can’t go wrong.  You need a reservation pretty much everywhere at The Hyatt with the exception of the terrace.
• Ones we heard great things about but didn’t have time to get to:
  • Eating House 1984 – fancier & need reservation
  • Lava Lava Beach Club – more casual, good drinks
  • Duke’s – this is a chain and we have one here in LA so we skipped it, but it’s fabulous!
  • Little Fish Coffee – we’re not coffee people but heard this place is great!  They also have acai bowls and smoothies

Maui

We were so sad to leave Kauai, but once we landed after the 20 minute flight to Maui, we knew we were just in a different kind of paradise!  It’s much more commercialized/busy here than Kauai but it’s still very relaxed.  We stayed at the Hyatt Regency and it was great!  I don’t know if anything will ever compare to the Grand Hyatt Kauai, but this one has everything you need as well and the bartenders on the resort made some of our favorite drinks of the trip.  There are also two cats that live on the resort – that gets some bonus points from this crazy gal.  One thing to note here is that the pool area is smaller and as a result, more crowded.  You have to reserve chairs pretty early in the day, or go down in the late afternoon hours after people have left which we opted for a couple of times.  Another amazing pool, this one had a Grotto Bar which was a bar within a cave within the pool.  We had another ocean view room (where I took the photo at the top of this post) which again I recommend!  The ocean was calmer here, and so beautiful. This was also where we tried the Hawaiian staple – shave ice!  It sort of just looks like a sno-cone but it’s different, and amazing.  We got the tip from a local to get ice cream underneath it anddd it was wonderful.

Activities:

We did A LOT in Kauai so we had a lot more time just hanging out and winding down in Maui.  Here’s what we did!

• Lahaina – this is a cute little town not far from where we stayed.  There are tons of restaurants & shops and it’s right on the coast.
• Couple’s massage – finally!  We decided to ditch the resort prices and head to a local spot.  We went to Lahaina Massage – it doesn’t look like much but it was the best massage either of us have ever had and the prices were unbelievable.  If you want a full spa-day zen experience with saunas and all that jazz, this isn’t your spot.  But if you just want a real good massage & to save some money, 10/10 recommend.  It’s a sauna as soon as you step outside, anyway.
• Banyan Tree – this is also in Lahaina!  It’s the world’s largest banyan tree and is just really cool to check out while you’re in town.
• Just drive!  We rented a car again here and checked out the North Shore of the island and the town of Paia.  Unlike Kauai, the landscape of Maui really changes as you travel around so it’s cool to see the different sides of the island!  Keep your eyes peeled for lookouts on the side of the road that you can pull off to, they’re usually pretty epic.
• Things we didn’t get to:
  • Road to Hana – we heard some mixed opinions.  It’s supposed to be amazing but it’s an all day commitment where you’re in the car on winding roads.  If you decide to do it, leave early!  We heard that traffic builds up.
  • Haleakala National Park Sunrise Tour – I heard amazing things about this.  You get picked up at 2am and journey to watch the sunrise on top of a volcano.  It’s supposed to be life changing but we were just notttt tryna wake up that early!
  • Maui Brewing Company – we just didn’t have time but it’s a good option for some time out of the sun!

Food:

• Monkeypod – this was a pretty casual but POPPIN’ spot that was walking distance from the Hyatt.  I got the fish & chips and Ryan got a pizza.  Both were amazing!  Also…again…the mai tais.  Ocean views of course.  I recommend making a reservation.
• Cheeseburger in Paradise – a must!  This is in Lahaina, we went for lunch.  I got the mac & cheese burger (duh) and Ryan got their standard famous cheeseburger.  Both were unreal and the place itself is fun!  We walked in for lunch and ended up at bar seats, but I recommend a reservation if you definitely want to sit right away!
• Lahaina Fish Co. – a little on the fancier side but nothing crazy.  I got the poké tostadas and charred broccolini, Ryan got the pork ribs which was a large enough portion for a small family.
• Japengo – this is on the Hyatt property and on the pricier side.  We ate here on our last night and had an unreal table basically on a cliff looking over the water.  Amazing sushi – need a reservation.
• Charley’s – we went here on our North Shore drive, it’s in the town of Paia.  Apparently Willie Nelson used to frequent there.  Delicious, casual lunch spot!
• Fleetwood’s – this place has a rooftop bar that I LOVED.  It’s in Lahaina, ocean views, live music, and amazing – yup, you guessed it, mai tais.  It’s owned by Mick Fleetwood so it’s rock themed – super fun.  They also have food!
• Ones we didn’t get to:
  • Mama’s Fish House – this is a sin in many people’s books…it was probably the most highly recommended place we heard.  You need a reservation and have to make one weeks in advance.  If you love seafood, make your reservation now!  We decided against it because there were no reservations, it was far from our resort, expensive, and neither of us are diehard seafood fans.
  • Luau – we didn’t do one on either island.  We heard mixed things – some people said the food was great, some said it wasn’t good at all.  I actually learned from a local that they’re completely manufactured for tourists and not actually native to their culture at all which I didn’t know!  They’re expensive and the ones we saw were super crowded so we spent the money elsewhere.
  • Spago at the Four Seasons – supposed to be delicious and this resort is amazing as well!

We were on the islands for 10 days and writing this truly made me realize how much we ate, ha!  But it really is an amazing place to explore, relax, and treat yourself!  And drink all the mai tais.  If you’re heading there on your honeymoon, be sure to tell the resorts that and put it in the details of your dinner reservations.  Places will hook you up!  If you only have time for one island, I recommend Kauai!  I’m sure the others have a lot to offer as well – more to come on that when we find time to go back 🙂

For lots of photos from the trip head over to @therealemilycollins on Instagram! If you have any questions you can hit me up there as well.

Aloha!

 

 

Wedding Planning – The Ish They Don’t Tell You

“Hire a wedding planner!” – I heard it over and over as soon as we got engaged.  Given the facts that I dabble in corporate event planning, and that I’m big into taking on things I may not be able to handle, I decided against it.  I was confident that I could handle it.  And then we found out we were moving across the country from our venue & all of our vendors.  Well Emily, Miss Self Proclaimed Wedding Planner, fake it till you make it!

As I sit here now 5 days post-wedding, I couldn’t be happier that I kept my hands in every single detail of this process.  I want to tell you how I did it, how I saved money, what I decided to splurge on, & hopefully let you in on some of the things that will pop into your mind in the middle of the night in the weeks leading up to your day.

If I had to sum up all of my advice into one point, it would be to have a long engagement.  Aside from the fact that it makes the wedding planning process 100x less stressful, being engaged is FUN.  You know you will end up married, so why rush?  Rock that bling and take your time.

One of the most common questions that I got throughout the process is “where do I start?” Start with booking your venue and your vendors!  If you are passionate about a certain venue, do that first.  If you are passionate about a certain photographer, reach out for their availability before you get your heart set on a venue that might not match up.  Once you’re ready to get going on vendor selection, my advice would be to identify what is really important to you.  The most important thing to us was capturing the day so that years from now we can revisit it, and further down the road our children and grandchildren can revisit it with us.  If it’s important to you – don’t cut corners.  Now, this is not to say that you need to hire the most expensive photographer!  Get several quotes, set up phone calls, and go with the vendors that you vibe with and whose style matches yours.  You’re going to be with them all day on the most important day of your life, you gotta love them!  I went with Stephanie Craig Photography and Some Fuzzy Videography.  They were beyond incredible.  When it comes to selecting a venue, get creative!  You don’t have to go to a hotel and pay $50k just to say you’re having your wedding there.  We got married at a prep school and not only was it MUCH cheaper, we had so much freedom to do what we wanted with the venue and really build from square one.  That being said, it’s a lot more work that way.  Fake it till you make it, my little planners!

Once I established these big details, it was time to identify my bride tribe!  This was lowkey one of the most difficult parts.  I could have easily had 15 bridesmaids (lol, humble brag) but decided on 8.  It was tough but good friends will understand that and will support you throughout the process regardless.  I had a TON of support from non-bridesmaids, those are the kinds of friends you know to hang onto!  I would recommend not spending a lot on the bridesmaid proposals.  It’s truly the sentiment that counts.  I had all of my girls over my apartment and gave them small gifts, but then we just drank and ate and partied all night and it was the best.  You’re going to lean on these girls for a lot so don’t rush into it!  I personally had the best maid of honor (humble brag #2) and truly couldn’t have done it without her.  It’s important, y’all!

Then comes THE DRESS!  I’ll keep it brief here – find a shop that is going to respect your budget.  I went to Alexandra’s in Fall River, MA and had the best experience. My consultant didn’t bring me a single dress over my budget, even when I begged to try on my “dream dress” from my pinterest board.  I will say this – brace yourself for alteration prices.  This was a huge shock to the system for me.  Don’t cut corners on this.  It sucks but you want it to be perfect.  Don’t buy a veil at the dress boutique.  I tried on one that was $400 and found the very same thing online for $16.  Be smart, it’s just a piece of fabric.

Another place where you can save big: DECOR.  Can you remember what the centerpieces looked like at the last wedding you went to?  Do you remember if the groomsmen were wearing boutonnières?  Do you remember what the welcome sign and guest book signs looked like?  Where are the flip flops you got from the bathroom basket now?  Exactly.  I actually asked myself questions like this constantly throughout the process and I advise you to spend money where YOU want it, and where people will remember it.  I got 100% of our physical decor off of either Amazon or Etsy, or went DIY.  You can find great things in bulk on Amazon, and I just love supporting small businesses on Etsy & the personal touches you can do for cheap!  In terms of signage, you really don’t need as much as you think.  We went with an ‘unplugged ceremony’ sign (template from Etsy and printed at Staples), a ‘find your table’ board (handmade by my amazing sisters), and a signature drink menu (made by my wonderful MOH and printed at home).  You don’t need a guest book sign, you don’t need programs, you don’t need a welcome sign.  You just don’t, trust me.  We didn’t do boutonnieres and our centerpieces were just greens and cheap candles.  They were gorgeous!  I didn’t do bathroom baskets.  Everyone has what they need and if they don’t, someone else does.  Everyone knows what a guest book looks like and where to put the cards.  Just because it’s on pinterest doesn’t mean you need it.  SAVE IT!

Perhaps the toughest part about being engaged – you need (or think you need) SO. MANY. OUTFITS.  A lot of you asked where I got alllll of the white things.  I found amazing stuff for reasonable prices on Vici, Lulus, and even Shein.  A lot of it you will only wear once so try not to break the bank.

If you know me, you know I’m not really the person to come to for dieting/beauty tips but I’ll let you in on the few things that I tried to maintain.  Drink A LOT of water.  Not only will it make your skin and hair better, it will make you feel better.  You’ll also look less bloated if you’re into that sort of thing!  My hair sucks, so I took collagen daily and really noticed a difference.  I picked up my cardio game slightly, but also mixed in things like pilates to balance it out and not burn out.  Take rest days, lots of them.  Wash your face and moisturize.  Wear sunscreen on your face every day.  Don’t go crazy on a diet – it will make you sad and irritable.  That’s all I got for ya in that department.

One of the most important parts of wedding planning were all of the lists I made – on my phone, on random pieces of paper, in text form to my MOH – so it’s only fitting to close this with a list for you.

Random things I learned that I want you to know:

• Alteration costs are a bitch.  Yeah, I said it twice.
• The small day-of details will figure themselves out, but only if you DELEGATE.  Give your vendor cards to someone to give to them.  Assign someone to be responsible for taking the card box home (luckily our Best Man knew to do this from experience). Give the MC a timeline of when to move into the next thing.
• Things will run behind schedule.  It literally does not matter.
• The only person who will notice if things go wrong is you.
• Delete all weather apps from your phone until 5 days out.  Just trust me.
• Assign someone to take an iPhone photo of you and your spouse, you’re going to want one the next day!
• People don’t want to dance to the same music they hear at every wedding.  What music do YOU like? Play that.  I took a risk on this and my dance floor was LIT (humble brag #3).
• Open bar doesn’t have to mean endless possibilities.  We saved money by offering 3 beers & a cider, 1 red, 1 white, 1 rosé, 1 type of vodka, 1 type of tequila, 1 type of whiskey, & 1 type of rum.  People will be happy and so will your wallet.
• Take it all in.  You’ll get this advice 1 million times.  One way that I managed to do it was to consciously notice what song was playing when I was feeling overwhelmed.  What do you hear, what do you see, what do you feel…take it in!
• Do a first look! It was both of our favorite part and it allowed us to be way more relaxed for the rest of the day.
• Serve food that you love.  Ours?  Mac and cheese bar, taco bar, mashed potato bar.  It was so freakin’ good and we haven’t stopped hearing compliments about it.  No one wants green beans.

While planning was definitely stressful at times and I’m LOVING being married, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.  It’s all about your attitude and taking your time.  Or if you really don’t want to do it, hire someone (hi, I’m available).  But you got this, I promise.

I’m here for you!

xoxo,

Mrs. Collins

 

 

 

Product Review: BYLT Set

Raise your hand if the last thing you need is another crop-top/legging set (me!)

Raise your hand if there’s nothing you WANT MORE than another crop-top/legging set (also me!)

I came across BYLT on Instagram and loved the simplicity of their style.  I’m such a non-flashy person and it can be hard to find good, solid basics.  I fell in love with their basic set, and resisted the urge to order it in black because I can fully admit I don’t need another pair of black leggings…

I went with the set (BYLT Crop Top, & BYLT Everyday Leggings) in the Rose color and was obsessed the moment I took it out of the package!  It’s a nice, thicker material that sucks you in without making you sweat more than you normally would.

Small disclaimer: If you’re typically a high-impact type of gal, I’d go with the black.  I wore the Rose set to teach a low-impact class and it was perfect.  However, when I wore it to teach spin, I sweat through the color pretty quickly!  People helping people…

I also tried these joggers in grey and I’m not sure if I own anything more comfortable…for real.

My official vote?  BYLT is an absolute must-try.  Their prices are affordable especially compared to some of the big brands out there, and they have super nice mens stuff as well (great T’s for stocking stuffers!!)

Of course I have a discount for ya.  The code “emily20” gets you 20% off – get after it, fam!

Dear Boston

Dear Boston,

When I came to you, YOU were a big new beginning for me.  A small-town upbringing blended right into a small-town college experience (well, it wasn’t quite that smooth but we’ll pretend), and while Boston always felt like a comfort zone, it didn’t feel like home right away.  It was loud, it was chaotic, it was unfamiliar.  Fortunately, that changed pretty quickly with the help of some very special groups of people that I am going to miss immensely.  Words will never do any of you justice, but again, I try.

To The Kick It Instructors: Thank you for launching me out of my comfort zone into what would inevitably be my passion in life.  While I’ve been lucky enough to have supportive women around me growing up, I’ve never experienced anything quite like this group.  I hope you realize that what you’re doing is IMPORTANT and SPECIAL and I hope you never stop spreading the good word of the Fempire.  I hope you never stop loving and supporting each other fiercely & without hesitation.  You are so special & I’m so proud to know every single one of you.  Eliza – get ready, we’re taking this ish to the West Coast.  This ain’t even close to goodbye.

To The Handle Bar Fam:  Oof, this one hurts.  If someone told me years ago that I would truly find myself in a dark room with blaring music and 40 strangers, I’d probably be pretty terrified.  But that’s exactly what happened.  Thank you to the riders for welcoming me with open arms and teaching me so much more than I ever taught you.  Thank you for being raw, vulnerable, & really freakin strong.  Thank you to the instructors for becoming some of my best friends & greatest supporters.  The talent that lives within all of you is scary powerful and I can’t wait to watch where it takes you.  Jess Frac – I hope you realize the magic that lives and thrives within the community you have created.  Thank you for believing in me.

To The ALKrew:  Ha, you guys aren’t getting rid of me that easily.  I’m thrilled to keep hustling with you guys from the West Coast, but that doesn’t change what a huge part of my life you’ve been thus far.  Kate, Lauren, KC, Leah, Becca – Thanks for teaching me what it means to be a businesswoman & for always inspiring.  Mark – thank you for your unwavering trust and support, I won’t let you down!

To my family, friends, & those who have become a little bit of both: You guys can only expect to hear from me MORE…but I’m going to miss your faces!  Please continue to be the wonderful humans you are – I don’t ever want to know a world without you.  To my sisters, Grace, Isabelle, & Hannah – be bold.  Be brave.  Be the smart young women you are and don’t let high school convince you that being smart isn’t “cool.”  Always have each other’s backs even if you disagree, and know that I have yours.  To all of the people in this category – you know I won’t let you forget about me. I love you all.  Some of you already have visits scheduled…if you don’t, I’m waiting! None of this works without your love & support, so thank you.

To Ryan: From the moment you became mine, you became home.  Thank you for pushing me to realize my potential in Boston & for helping to give me the confidence to make this move.  Have I told you lately how proud I am of you?

Ahh, deep breaths.  Reading all of that back, I quickly noticed how many times I wrote the words “love” and “support”.  The perfectionist in me admittedly looked for some synonyms…but decided to leave it.  Boston, I can’t fit you in my suitcase but that love and support is something that is packed down deep & will stay with me forever.  You hold my heart, my family, & all of the other things that make up who I am today.  You’re still a little chaotic but you are no longer unfamiliar and I think maybe I’m ready for some more of that.  There’s never a right or easy time, just time.  And it’s moving quickly.  Keep me posted on what you’re doing with it, Boston – I’ll see you soon.

XO,

E

You climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro? Was it hard?

I am forever thankful to Mt. Kilimanjaro for the fact that I finally have something to contribute to “what’s one fun fact about yourself” round-tables.  The above question always follows, and the answer is always a resounding: YUP.

Let’s rewind a few steps.  WHY did I climb Mt. Kilimanjaro?  Wow, great question.  I climbed in support of Flying Kites, an academy in rural Kenya where critically-poor students receive access to a competitive education, characterized by small classrooms, progressive course material, integrative care, and inspired teachers.  After connecting with Leila, FK founder and complete girl boss, my friends Eliza, Emily, Becky, & I knew this was something we had to do.  Just a few short months (and several “are we really doing this” text messages) later, we were on our way.

Prior to this trip, the only true poverty I had experienced was the cab rides from airports to resorts in various “tropical” locations.  I was never naive to the fact that that contrast wasn’t something to be ignored, but still I have never seen anything like the 2 hour drive from Nairobi (where we landed and spent our first night), to Njabini.  For the first time, the culture shock was REALLY REAL and only about to get more intense the more we were immersed in the culture itself.  I can’t put it into words, and it wouldn’t be fair to the people for me to try.  The landscape, though…it was the most beautiful place I’d ever been.

Despite the sadness of the drive, the second we arrived on the Flying Kites campus, I felt immediately welcome.  When I say immediate, I mean a group of the children were standing at the gate playing make-shift instruments and singing to us.  They handed us fresh towels and the most delicious lemonade I’ve ever tasted, then immediately took our hands for a tour around their home.  I’ll take this over the check-in lines at resorts any day.  After the tour we sat in a circle and got to chatting.  These children ranged in age from about 5-16 and each one of them was immensely interested in learning about us…as if we were the ones with a wealth of knowledge to share.  Their smiles and shy laughter are something I hope I never forget.  That night we had the first of many “family meetings”.  These nightly meetings discuss the happenings of the day in the form of “high, low, hope”.  Every child (and visitor) takes their turn saying what the high point of their day was, what the low point was, and what their hope for tomorrow is.  I could go on and on about the stories I heard about the circumstances Flying Kites took these children out of, and let’s just say the average American wouldn’t be citing “my friend Peter has a bad cough” as their low point if they were in the same shoes.  A lot of these children didn’t even have matching shoes, so that phrase feels a bit out of place there.  You get it, right?  Edwin, the FK social worker, told me that the Kenyan government classifies poverty as anything less than $1/day in income.  That fact still stuns me today.

The next few days with these children were magical.  We visited their classrooms, ate every meal with them, played soccer, jumprope, volleyball, had a Kick It class (which they LOVED) and just talked.  We toured their new dorm building which is now open, and I watched as one of the girls giving me the tour saw a shower for the first time in her life.  She jumped for joy and shrieked.  At the sight of a shower.  Imagine?  The biggest takeaway for me from my time with them is how genuinely happy they are despite their circumstances.  Their love for their classmates, teachers, and everyone else at Flying Kites who has become their family, is truly amazing.  Never once did I hear a complaint out of any of their mouths…even as us Americans struggled on the 45 minute walk to school while they sped ahead, some in one sandal/one sneaker combinations.  It was always gratitude, excitement, and eventually “we’ll miss you”‘s when it was time to go.  My tears in this moment were 75% sadness to leave them and 25% fear for what was to come…the mountain.

In the months leading up to the trip, I took sort of an “ignorance is bliss” approach to the whole thing.  I did not train.  I did not read tips.  I did not even break in my hiking boots which was EXTREMELY stupid.  Luckily those boots must have been made for my feet (shout-out to Ahnu) because I made it out of there with dry feet and not one blister.  Unheard of.  I picked up my cardio routine but other than that, I was extremely unprepared.  For 5 days we went up.  And up.  And down a little bit to adjust to altitude.  And up some more.  We averaged about 7 hours of hiking each day, and each day the views were a little different.  From rainforest on day 1, to desert like conditions that looked like Mars (btw I saw actual Mars at night…), to snow and ice – we saw it all on our sloooow climb.

For me, the days weren’t the hard part – it was the mental toughness involved in the nights.  After a long day of walking we would arrive at our camp site, rest in our tents for a few minutes, and head to our group tent where we would sit and chat.  Two things were guaranteed: you have no appetite, and you NEED to eat. This was a constant battle through nausea and flat out exhaustion, we had to get something in our systems.  Sometimes the altitude would get to our heads and we would all break out in fits of uncontrollable laughter, followed by gasping for some thin air.  These nights were tough for me mentally because it allowed time to think about everything we had ahead, and to miss the comforts of home.  Then we’d head to our sleeping bags, stuffed with bottles of hot water and our clothes for the next day (if we weren’t already wearing them).  I shared a tent with my friend Emily, who I am sure I could not have done the trip without.  She is a yogi by nature and by practice, and her calming demeanor got me through some of the toughest moments – crying fits, panic attacks, need to pee in the middle of the night but it’s dark…you name it.  The best part about the night time?  The stars.  I wish I could begin to describe them to you.

As we went up, the symptoms of the altitude began to kick in and affect all of us in different ways.  It’s hard to explain how it felt for me…we were walking at a slow pace but I was breathing like I had just run miles.  You try to avoid any unnecessary movement besides one foot in front of the other.  The dinners in the group tent got a little quieter, but we needed each other more than ever.  We spent a lot of time just sitting in each other’s company, knowing that was enough.  We also got REAL sick of playing Uno!  There were 11 of us in total – my group of 4 Boston gals, two new friends from Minnesota, 2 BU students, 1 17 year old boy (I know – he’s amazing.), 1 Kenyan who I could write an entire post on, and Mike – lucky husband of Leila and a true mountaineer AKA our lifesaver on the mental toughness – thank the lord.  I’d do anything for any one of these humans.  The altitude symptoms came to a head for me on the final trek to the top, which we did through the night starting at midnight.  I’ve never had a headache like that one, and I wanted so badly to puke but knowing myself, forced myself not to because that would have been game over.  I was running on empty and cold beyond belief.  A few times I looked at Emily with tears in my eyes and she would grab my hand and say “don’t even think about it.”  End of discussion.

Here’s a piece of my journal entry once we made it to the bottom:

“The whole way down I was trying to wrap my head around my mental state.  Physically, I was shot.  But mentally, I couldn’t figure it out.  I knew I didn’t regret it at all, but I was feeling so crappy.  It all finally came together for me the next day – yesterday.  The whole team, 11 people who were mostly strangers when we started the climb just 6 days ago, sat around the hotel pool, laughing, playing games, and reminiscing.  That’s what it was all about.  None of us, except Mike, are climbers, none of us had a passion for it, and none of us were really prepared.  But just 6 days later we are family, having gone through the hardest physical task of our lives.  Together.  Pamoja.  We did it.  I am so proud of myself and my team.  If I ever say I want to do it again – someone punch me!”

So was it hard?  Abso-freakin-lutely.  But I recommend it with my whole heart.

One last tip?  Go for a few hikes first like a grown-up.