Love Hurts.

The most heartbreaking stories are those where no love was lost, no love was found, but love wasn’t a priorityIt’s these types of situations that drive people in happy relationships to end them because they’re becoming toxic.  Whether they have to do it in order to get where they’re going in life, or just because the lack of commitment has driven them to the breaking point.

The breaking point…what a scary place.

How do you know when you’ve reached it?  Well, if you’re unsure then I promise you that you definitely haven’t reached it.  When, God forbid, you reach it, you’ll know.  When conversations of the future dwindle from long-shot dreams of a family and an unrealistic mansion to nothing more than an argument…when “I love you”‘s seem to always be preceded by “I’m sorry”‘s…when your dreams and aspirations are no longer being supported 100%…you’ve reached it.

Maybe you won’t believe it at first.  Maybe you won’t even cry.  It may just feel like a pit in your stomach, an empty hole where your best friend and biggest support system used to be.  You’re now faced with the challenge of getting up, untangling yourself from them, and filling that hole.  You have a lot of options.  You could fill it with drunken nights, toasting to the asshole like Kanye would.  You could fill it with another person who may fill it temporarily but ultimately never compare.  My suggestion? Fill it with yourself.

When you act upon the breaking point, it shows that you respect yourself.  You’ve chosen to go up when this person has been slowly but surely bringing you down.  You know that you’ve got places to go in life and that you are too smart, beautiful, and worthy to be held back.  Whether you feel like it right now or not, you wouldn’t have made this decision if you weren’t confident of all of those things.

So fill the hole with the most worthy person you know- yourself.  It’s terrifying, don’t get me wrong, the thought of moving forward on your own when for so long you’ve had someone by your side.  But once you become happy and confident in yourself, your fears will be washed away. Do whatever it is that makes you truly happy.  Do whatever it is that you need to do to accomplish your dreams because while you can’t control another person and you can’t control what you might do if you try to drink it away, you can control where you’re going. You can control your expectations of others, and as a result you will control how you are treated.  Start now.  Fill the hole.

What are you waiting for?  

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Till Death…

I read an amazing story today and feel the need to share it, and what it means to me, with all of you.  Here’s a quick summary:

Rocky Abalsamo and his family came to America from Buenos Aires in 1971.  They settled in Boston of all places, so that’s how you know they’re good stuff.  Rocky and his wife were madly in love.  You know how when we first get into relationships we celebrate absolutely every milestone?  First time meeting, first date, and of course the day you became a couple. Well apparently Rocky and his wife never got out of that exciting stage.  They shared their first kiss on September 16, 1937 and they celebrated this occasion every single year even after 55 years of marriage.  Tearing up yet?  Just wait…

Rocky’s wife Julita died in 1993.  However, he did not let this tragedy end the connection he had with the love of his life.  He has been by her side ever since, literally.  Each day, Rocky spends every waking minute sitting by Julita’s grave.  Rain, shine, snow, sleet, hail, you name it.  Many of us know how Boston weather can be…I can’t even imagine.  He wears an old beat up coat on cold days because that is the one that Julita knew best.  When asked why he spends his days in the cemetery, Rocky responded, “she is part of me, so here I am whole.”   

Rocky joined his wife in heaven last week.  He was 97. 

Even after I had wiped away the tears from reading this story, it seemed to stick with me all day.  I think there’s something we can all learn from Rocky.  His lifelong dedication to his wife should teach us to never settle. Every man and woman deserves the love that Rocky and Julita shared.  So why not find it?  Don’t settle for good when you deserve great.  Don’t settle for someone who will love you for your entire life when there are men and women out there who will love you beyond the last beat your heart has to give.  Call me a romantic, but I think this type of love is out there for everyone.  Don’t settle, don’t settle, don’t settle.

We all strive to hear those words “till death do us part”.  Rocky loved Julita beyond this.  Death tried to tear them apart and yet, it only granted them more time together.  Rocky loved Julita until death brought them together.

Don’t settle for anything less than that.

A letter to myself at 16

Emily,

You made it to your senior year in college! I know that seems like a million years away to you but trust me, it’s going to fly by.  I have some words of wisdom for you- although I know you think you know it all right now.  Truth is, you don’t know the half of it.  By the time you’re entering your final semester in college you STILL won’t know the half of it, so you might as well accept that part now.

First of all, lighten up. You are literally so boring. Instead of studying for AP exams (which you won’t do well on, anyway), go out. Have fun. I’m not saying you have to drink or go crazy. Even at almost 22 that will never really be your scene.  Just do something. Appreciate your movie nights with the girls- these will continue to be your favorite kind of nights. You don’t have to go to the movies every weekend though, save some money for college…please.

Listen to your friends. He’s not worth it. He’s not even good looking and he probably couldn’t catch a football if you threw it at his face with a vineyard vines gift card attached to it. You do not deserve to feel the way you are feeling. Believing he’s going to change or that he’s worthy of you doesn’t make you an optimist, it makes you a moron. You’ll look back and laugh at this soon enough. There are infinitely better things to come. Well, just one good thing. It will be worth the wait.

Spoiler alert: you’re going to fall in love in 2011.  I know you don’t believe me, so I won’t try to convince you.  Just trust me when I say that for once, the best thing that’s ever happened to you won’t be Panera mac&cheese. 

Cut the attitude with your parents. They turn out to be really awesome and trust me, you would not get very far without them. Dad knows how to fix absolutely everything, so don’t panic when you mess something up.  Notice how I said when, not if.

Give Taylor a hug.

Spend more time with your grandparents.  It only gets harder as you get busier and they won’t be around forever. Make new memories with them. You’ll always have your old memories but they start to get fuzzy after a while. Eat as many of Grammie’s blueberry pancakes as you possibly can. No one will ever be able to make them quite like her. That woman is a Godsend and pretty soon he’s going to need her back.

Shop at Target. You’re obnoxious with your full Hollister & Abercrombie wardrobe. Like, you can’t be serious. Save that money for college!!

You’re going to drift away from some of your friends. This is ok. The ones who remain will be the ones who were really there all along. Cherish them, they’re amazing.  Thank them for putting up with your BS.

Stop worrying so much. You care way too much about things that are out of your control, I’d say it might even be your biggest flaw.  You’ll still struggle with this at 21, but in a much more functional way. By 31 you might even be normal.  Do less, girl.

Contrary to popular your belief, life will go on after high school.  It’s not the best time of your life. It’s actually really awkward. You’ll always love your high school and your graduating class, but you’ll find that they’re never really too far away. You’ll reconnect in the most unexpected places.  And stop saying “I don’t want to go to college because I don’t want new friends”.  At 21, making new friends will be one of your favorite things.  You’re going to meet some really awesome people in college and they will become some of the best friends you’ve ever had.  

Enjoy where you are right now, but don’t be afraid of where you’re going.  You’re a pretty cool kid and once you figure that out (and stop being so boring) you’re going to have a great time.

Love,
A you who’s still got a whole lot to learn.



Why We Love The Bachelor

It’s back!  The new season of The Bachelor has officially hit the televisions of millions of women (and men) and has brought Juan Pablo’s bilingual muscles with it.  We all look forward to this season after season- but why?  I don’t know about you, but by the end of every season I am so mentally and emotionally invested in these complete strangers that I can’t help but laugh at myself.  It really is ridiculous.

So what is it?  Is it Juan Pablo’s tan? Sean’s body? I know for sure it wasn’t Desiree’s constant waterworks…but something draws us in time and time again (17 times, to be exact).  Here’s a few reasons, in my opinion, that The Bachelor keeps us coming back for more.

1. Great looking people- whether it’s a season of 25 women and 1 man, or 25 men and 1 woman, you have to admit that there has never been anyone on the show that isn’t at least a certifiable 8.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of Juan Pablo’s hair gel or the fact that he has a v-neck for every color of the rainbow, but I can admit that he’s pretty darn handsome.  And then we watch the girls come out of the limo and it seems like they get more and more PERFECT with every perfectly pedicured stiletto step they take. We love to look at good looking people.  It may not be the best thing for our confidence levels but man is it addicting.

2. The clothes- I’m not even going to talk about Juan Pablo’s clothes because I really just can’t with him.  I can’t.  But the gowns on the girls?!  They’re pretty much the only reason I’m watching this first episode because I’ve heard just about enough about friggen Camila Valentina (insert accent). I really wonder sometimes how much money these girls blow on clothes before coming on the show because there’s no way they all have these amazing wardrobes. Not to mention their perfect bodies.  I’m on my fourth sugar cookie of the night as I write this, by the way.

3. The dates- They’re so extreme.  Like…so unbelievably unrealistic.  But we buy into it every time and think to ourselves “ahh, some day some man will take me horseback riding on a private island to our awaiting champagne toast and candlelit dinner”. Gag me.  Whatever.  The dates all over the planet are ok I guess.

4. The drama- OBVIOUSLY. The best part. There’s always those one or two basket cases who the network is clearly keeping around for viewers.  We ignore this clear fact. Instead, we stare intently like “OH MY GOD SEAN HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT SHE IS CLINICALLY INSANE!!” Newsflash.  He knows.  We don’t care though, it’s hysterical. 

5. Love- It’s so dumb, but so true.  We all watch it because regardless of whether we’re looking or not, we all love love.  There’s nothing better than the idea of finding love against all odds (not that being one man in a house of 27 women is any tough odds).  Regardless, we truly buy into the fact that each of the people on this ridiculous show deserves love and we want to watch them find it!  Is that so hard to understand, guys?
So ladies, don’t let the guys bring you down during these two hours of trashy television per week.  We’re completely justified in our love for The Bachelor and if they don’t like it, well maybe they should spend the two hours working on their Venezuelan accents.