A Living, Breathing, Double-Edged Sword

Imagine being on both sides of a terrible, terrible worldwide argument.

Imagine being caught in the middle of a literal blood feud.

Imagine being pulled in two different directions, but not being able to voice your own opinion on which way you want to go.

Welcome, you are now imagining the life of a biracial adult in the 21st century.

For the past few weeks, the news of Michael Brown and now Eric Garner has been absolutely everywhere. Suddenly everyone is a lawyer, an expert on events that they were not witness to. You know it as well as I do that it has been unavoidable. What you may or may not know as well as I do, is how extremely difficult a position these types of situations are for someone who is caught, impossibly, on both sides of the fight.

Whether people want to admit it or not, the country (and beyond) are in a dispute between races. Sure, there are members of the opposite raceĀ supporting each other, but for the most part this is a battle between black and white. Well, for those of you who don’t know me – I am equal parts of both.

If I am to say that I believe these police officers acted in excessive force, I am written off as a bitter member of the black community. If I am to say that these police officers were justified in their actions, I am written off as a white person who is abandoning a part of my heritage.

Want my real opinion? Watch this:

I do not believe that Michael Brown was innocent (white girl, how dare I?). I do not believe that the Ferguson police officer had to shoot him 12 times, regardless of the situation (silly black girl, police officers are trained for these situations). I believe that the protests surrounding that decision were outrageously stupid (white girl don’t you see the oppression?). I believe that the police officers in the Eric Garner case were in the wrong (hopeful, blinded black girl). I believe that the protests in this situation are warranted, productive even (ugh, black people need to be stopped). I know, for a fact, that there are countless situations like these amongst all races, not just white killing black (but it’s way more common that they kill us, white girl).

It gets tricky. I’m instead inclined to silence, for nothing I can possibly say would do the other half of me justice. Why can someone who only feels one side post things so ignorant and be viewed as funny or worthy while someone who can see both will only be viewed as what theĀ reader wants them to be? I present to you the living, breathing, double-edged sword.

I believe that black lives matter (black girl).

I believe that white lives matter (white girl).

I believe that racism is alive as much as ever (human).

I can’t breathe (human).