2015: I Resolve To Go On A Diet…Just Kidding

New Year’s Resolutions…I hate them. Because I can’t even begin to express how many times I’ve told myself I’m going to eat better this year.  I mean, I can say it as many times as I want but if the buff chick is in front of me…
So this year I’m taking a different approach. My resolutions aren’t tangible and may not even be noticeable to outsiders, but resolutions are supposed to be about yourself – right? So here goes nothing!
I aim to take all opportunities that I am faced with head on.  I’m young and some of these opportunities might never arise again.  I figure the worst that can happen is I end up as I started – which right now is looking pretty good.  Except with shopping…the worst that can happen if I blow all my money on clothes is that I will have no money. At least I’ll have clothes, though? Maybe this one needs some work.
I aim to not settle for less than I deserve when it comes to the people I surround myself with.  I have plenty of amazing individuals in my life and by worrying less about the negative, I can open up more space for the positive.  One of the major lessons I’ve learned in 2014 is that negative people are toxic.  They want to suck any positivity out of you in order to bring you down to their miserable level.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.
I aim to be thankful. Too often we take for granted how fortunate we are. It’s really easy to forget that while I’m frustrated stuck in traffic because of an accident, someone else is waiting for a loved one that may not make it out of that accident. And while I’m trying to chug as much water in a day because that’s supposed to be healthy or something, a child across the world would give anything for just one sip.  I guess it’s about slowing down and looking at the bigger picture.
I aim to have patience.  This one will be tough because it’s not something that I was ever lucky enough to have.  You know when you’re SO mad at the person driving in front of you and then it turns out to be a super old lady, just trying to get from point A to point B and then you feel terrible? Or when you’ve been in line for 10 minutes and finally get up to the front to discover that the cashier is just the nicest person ever so you feel bad about being miz? Hopefully avoiding situations like those in 2015!
I aim to be present.  I am just as bad as anyone, if not worse, about always being curious about the latest posts on Insta. Probably the only people who are worse with this than I am are the 500,000 people who manage to ‘like’ Kendall Jenner’s pictures within 2 seconds.  For every second that I am looking at my phone or stressing out about what I’m going to wear the next day, I am missing a second of today. I don’t want to miss a second of 2015 because I’ve found that each year passes more quickly than the last.

Five resolutions that don’t involve eating food that tastes like sand.  I can work with that! Happy New Year to all, I hope 2015 is your best year yet.

A Living, Breathing, Double-Edged Sword

Imagine being on both sides of a terrible, terrible worldwide argument.

Imagine being caught in the middle of a literal blood feud.

Imagine being pulled in two different directions, but not being able to voice your own opinion on which way you want to go.

Welcome, you are now imagining the life of a biracial adult in the 21st century.

For the past few weeks, the news of Michael Brown and now Eric Garner has been absolutely everywhere. Suddenly everyone is a lawyer, an expert on events that they were not witness to. You know it as well as I do that it has been unavoidable. What you may or may not know as well as I do, is how extremely difficult a position these types of situations are for someone who is caught, impossibly, on both sides of the fight.

Whether people want to admit it or not, the country (and beyond) are in a dispute between races. Sure, there are members of the opposite race supporting each other, but for the most part this is a battle between black and white. Well, for those of you who don’t know me – I am equal parts of both.

If I am to say that I believe these police officers acted in excessive force, I am written off as a bitter member of the black community. If I am to say that these police officers were justified in their actions, I am written off as a white person who is abandoning a part of my heritage.

Want my real opinion? Watch this:

I do not believe that Michael Brown was innocent (white girl, how dare I?). I do not believe that the Ferguson police officer had to shoot him 12 times, regardless of the situation (silly black girl, police officers are trained for these situations). I believe that the protests surrounding that decision were outrageously stupid (white girl don’t you see the oppression?). I believe that the police officers in the Eric Garner case were in the wrong (hopeful, blinded black girl). I believe that the protests in this situation are warranted, productive even (ugh, black people need to be stopped). I know, for a fact, that there are countless situations like these amongst all races, not just white killing black (but it’s way more common that they kill us, white girl).

It gets tricky. I’m instead inclined to silence, for nothing I can possibly say would do the other half of me justice. Why can someone who only feels one side post things so ignorant and be viewed as funny or worthy while someone who can see both will only be viewed as what the reader wants them to be? I present to you the living, breathing, double-edged sword.

I believe that black lives matter (black girl).

I believe that white lives matter (white girl).

I believe that racism is alive as much as ever (human).

I can’t breathe (human).