Bachelor Thoughts: "I don’t have that word"

Next week is the long awaited Bachelor finale and for the first time I can honestly say I don’t care who wins! Here’s why:

 Juan Pablo:

This guy can’t be serious. He’s a grade A d-bag that hides behind his stupid accent whenever any serious situation arises. Any time a girl tries to have a real conversation he just kisses them because either a) he thinks his good looks eliminate the need for words or b) he actually doesn’t understand what they’re saying. It’s a toss up. 

At the beginning of the season he preached about being a “good essample” for Camilla but the past few episodes have basically been one big make-out sesh. Basically, Juan Pablo is one big muscular annoyance. If I never hear his voice again after next week it will be too soon. His stupidity pains me.

Clare:

Honestly Clare is Juan Pablo’s best bet because she is just as dense as him. She thinks she’s 21 and the best looking thing to walk the Earth. Newsflash, Clare: you’re old. Your hair is fried. Yeah you have great boobs but no matter how tight your mini-dresses are, all I can focus on is counting how many times you can pucker your lips in one sentence.

“I just…” *lip pucker* “love…” *lip pucker* “spending time with you.” 

Give me a break.  I’m honestly surprised that your hometown date didn’t take place in Who-Ville.

P.S. – did ANYONE think the ocean-swimmer was really going to deny the fantasy suite?

Nikki:

YOU’RE SO BORING. You passed the nursing boards so you must have a brain and therefore you have to be lying when you say you’re in love with Juan Pablo. You have to. 

I personally don’t mind Nikki but I think she’s selling herself short with this dude. I did lose a lot of patience with her when she argued with Clare about whether either of them paid for the hotel room. Like…really?

Andi: 

Andi was the best girl on the show from day 1, with Renee coming in at a close second, but she is clearly brilliant and Juan Pabs reads at the same level as Camilla, if that. Wait, do we know if he can even read? Although their argument was hands down the most entertaining part of this season, I’m shocked it took Andi this long to be fed up with a man who “doesn’t have” the word ‘default’. What do you MEAN you don’t have the word? Omg. And when he asked her for synonyms of the word “ok”…can someone get this guy a thesaurus? 

I’m 100% positive that Andi and I would be best friends. My certainty went from 99% to 100% when she tweeted this photo of her and dog-lover-Kelly after tonight’s episode:

“Don’t…don’t mess up my makeup”

Hilarious. Love Andi. The only positive outcome of this season will be Andi as the next Bachelorette. Much luck to JP in the finale – may the best fake blonde win.

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